Resistance
by RachelItIs
Summary: He should thank her, take the bag, and close the door. He wasn't ready for this. What ever this was, he knew it was something. The something. The words fell out when he opened his mouth, "Do you want to come in?" / Part 2 of Acceptance
1. Chapter 1

_Part 2 of the Acceptance series. Follows Remembrance._

* * *

Zoran was almost shocked when the key worked in the lock. He probably shouldn't have been. She'd said the place was his whenever he needed it. Why should it matter that he disappeared for six months with no warning? She knew him well enough, or believed in him enough, to keep the place for him. She knew he would return.

He didn't know her all that well. He didn't particularly care to. She had been nice. She had healed him and offered him a place to stay when he was better. She did a lot of philanthropy work, he'd learned. And, he was the pitiful pet that had needed her help. It's not as though that were her fault. He _had_ been pitiful.

The last thing he remembered was fending for himself in Rijeka, barely making ends meet at sixteen. When he woke up, he was almost 20, in a hospital in Tokyo, a different city. A completely different country. A completely different _continent_. He had no idea how he got there. There was no record of him getting there. He didn't have a job or money. He had no way to go back to Croatia, not that he really had anything to go back to.

So, the doctor had taken pity on him and provided him a place to stay, helped him work through the legalities of legally immigrating to Japan. For over 8 months, he'd worked at odd and end jobs and paid as much himself as possible. He knew she was undercharging him rent, but he wouldn't have afforded such a nice place otherwise.

And then, six months ago, he had ran. No reason, no word. He had just left. And the lady had kept the place empty and the locks the same. And, he knew it was still his place because there was a note on table by the door.

_Zoran,_

_When you get back, the place is still yours. The cleaners should have kept it up to date. I hope you found what you were looking for._

_Dr. M._

He ran his hand through his shoulder length hair. Of course, she had been understanding. She was always understanding. She was better than the psychiatrist they had sent to see him. He would have told her more had he cared to tell anyone more at that point. Outside the hospital, he had little interaction with her. She was just the landlady.

He moved into the apartment, which had definitely been kept tidy while he was away, and unceremoniously dropped his bag in the middle of the floor. He'd put it away eventually. For now, he just wanted to collapse onto the couch.

He laid back, shoes and all, and threw an arm over his eyes. He hadn't found whatever it was he was looking for. Though, he knew he was running from something more than looking for something. Six months he'd traveled all over Japan, ignoring, ignoring, ignoring. But, a month ago, he realized he had to return. He wasn't sure why he had to return, though he was sure it had something to do with what he was ignoring, whatever it was he was ignoring.

Now, he had to decide what he was going to do. He would have to start working again, he supposed. While traveling, he had taken odd and end jobs as he found them. Now, he needed to start really working again. Then what? Get back into his routine before he left. Work and home, taking time for group once a week.

Group. The thought brought back memories of the silver haired man who had led the group. He had intimidated him and inspired him in equal measures. He had taken on a leading role for Zoran, like a sponsor or brother. He wondered if the Khaled realized _he_ was part of the reason Zoran felt he needed to run. There was just something that was… too much about him. His subconscious, and his conscious, had rebelled against the man. Another part had strived to get closer, learn from him, take him at his word.

It had left Zoran so pulled that he finally just shattered. He had had to get out. And, he had.

But, now he was back. He sighed at the thought. He would have to face the group again, he knew. That man. Something else, too. Something that swam just beyond his grasp. Something, he was sure, that was going to change him. And, someone. Multiple someones. Important parts of him. Reasons he never found a place to fit with friends or family.

He shuddered. Everything about being back and what it could mean terrified him. He'd felt more comfortable not being sure what he would eat or where he would sleep when he'd been living on the streets than the daunting tasks ahead.

He almost growled when there was a knock on his door. He debated on just ignoring it. He couldn't imagine who would be visiting, especially since he had only been back for… He checked his watch. Had it really been an hour and a half since he laid down on the couch and began mentally organizing his life? Organizing or lamenting, he wasn't completely sure which he had been doing.

He put his arm back over his eyes. Surely, it couldn't be that important.

The knock came again. Short and with purpose. Almost… practical? He sat up, glaring towards the door. He still wasn't sure he wanted to answer it. When another short knock sounded, he gave a clearly audible growl and pushed to his feet. He moved to the door and pulled it open a little more gruffly than he should.

Green eyes met blue and he froze. She blinked a few times and he got the distinct impression that she was quickly assessing him.

He had never met her before but he knew exactly who she was. She looked very much like her mother. Except, with something different about her. Something magnificent. She was pale and small, her dark hair seemed to have a slight blue tint to it. Her blue eyes were bright and deep. He almost felt like he was drowning, unable to tear his eyes away.

"You cut your hair," she said, her eyes flicking from his hair to his face a couple of times. He had, in fact, cut his hair when he had left… or ran. He had felt suffocated in his long hair, something he'd been proud of most of his life. He had, of course, immediately regret it and began to grow it out again. She had no reason to know that, though. Unless she had seen him while he was still unconscious.

He felt a tingle run down his spine at the thought of this woman seeing him hooked up to machines, barely alive and so _weak._

She seemed to have realized that when she suddenly straightened and smiled, "I'm Ami, Dr. Mizuno's daughter. The security desk called and told her you had returned. She knew there was no food here."

She lifted the bag in her arm to indicate what she had brought. _Of course_, he thought. She would know that he had returned already and she would be worried about whether there was food. Pitiful pet.

He sighed. He should thank her, take the bag, and close the door. He wasn't ready for this. Whatever _this_ was, he knew it was something. _The_ something. The words fell out when he opened his mouth, "Do you want to come in?"

She hesitated a moment, glancing from him into the apartment. He swore he could see her calculating, debating her decision. He didn't blame her. He was a stranger, after all. He wasn't even sure why he had invited her in. However, her mother sent her, so he assumed she knew he was safe enough and he'd known her mother, so she had to be safe enough.

She looked back at him and he felt his skin prickle. He knew that look and he wasn't sure he wanted to know why he knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

Ultimately, she gave a small nod and walked in when he'd stepped aside. She followed him into the kitchen and watched as he filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove. He hadn't really had a plan when he invited her into his apartment. He wasn't even sure what he had in his cabinets. He found a couple of tea bags and an assortment of non-perishable items.

He began to put the groceries away before he finally spoke, still not looking at her, "I hope tea is okay. I've never kept coffee. Please, sit."

"Tea is fine," she responded. He heard her sit at the table after a moment of hesitation.

As the water boiled, he finished the groceries and grabbed out two mugs, "I don't have any milk or cream. As you know, I haven't been grocery shopping and your mother just sent meals. I do have some sugar and honey left over, though."

"Black is fine," she stated.

He poured the tea and then finally turned to face her, carrying both mugs. She looked as nervous as he was. Why was she nervous? Why was he?

He was feeling even more restless than he had during that final group, when he finally decided he needed some space. But, he didn't feel like he needed space this time. He was nervous and restless, but he didn't want to get away from her. There was something comforting about her presence.

He set a mug in front of her and then took a seat across the table. Silence reigned as they carefully sipped the tea.

"It was… nice of your mother to have food brought. Thank you for delivering," he finally said, glancing from his tea to his guest.

"It's no problem. She likes to help her tenants any way she can," she gave a small smile.

"Tenant?" he laughed. The embarrassment about his position flared. He only had himself to blame now. "It's hard to be a tenant when you aren't here. More like charity. I'm sure you know…"

She watched him for a minute, debating on her answer, "My mom doesn't tell me a lot about her tenants. She does just like to help people."

"So, she never told you about when I was in the hospital?" he asked. It bugged him, the idea of her seeing him so pathetic. Feeling self-conscious bugged him even more. He'd always been sure of himself.

"No, she tells me even less about patients," Ami tilted her head, regarding him. The look was calculated, and Zoran fought not to squirm.

"But you've met me?" he asked, ignoring the burn that was slowly creeping up from his chest. He sounded so accusatory. And, her look was so knowing.

She was silent even longer this time and he wondered what it was she was weighing in her answers. There was information she was debating on whether to give him. Finally, she answered, "Yes, it's been a while though."

"Five years?" he asked. She didn't really answer. There was a slight tilt of her head that seemed to confirm that she had seen him during that time. It had to have been during that time. He hadn't met her before, and he hadn't met her after. "I don't remember that period."

"I know," she answered easily and gave a small smile. It seemed to suggest she knew more, "A lot of people had that happen."

"I've heard," he answered. She was too calm, too informed about him. She hadn't appeared surprised to see him when he opened the door. If her mother really didn't share details about patients, and from what he knew of his doctor she took ethics seriously, this girl had learned details about him some other way. She knew who he was and that he was here before showing up. And, he felt sure she knew even more about him than she was revealing. "You seem to have plenty of information about me."

"There are ways to learn about people," one side of her mouth quirked up. She looked so satisfied with herself that Zoran found himself momentarily impressed. He almost found himself so caught up he forgot to consider what she was saying.

His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, considering her for a moment.

_My daughter is always on a computer_.

The comment was off hand and, at the time, Zoran hadn't really cared. He assumed she had a preteen daughter who spent her time in front of a screen. The quiet woman across from him was different than the image he'd conjured of his doctor's daughter. He imagined that his assumptions regarding all her computer time was mistaken as well.

"Interesting," he finally murmured before finishing his tea and moving to the sink. "You clearly have information about me. I guess, the questions is… Why is it so important to you?"

She was quite for a moment and then he heard her coming up beside him. She gently set her cup next to his in the sink. She stayed beside him, closer than he expected to her to stand, and he found himself exceedingly aware of her, "It's important to a lot of people."

"More people that I don't remember meeting?" He raised his eyebrows and looked down at her. He felt himself growing defensive and he couldn't figure out why. The entire visit had been anything but just a friendly chat. For the first time, however, that feeling to run was coming up again. He wanted her out of the house. That comfort he felt with her had vanished and been replaced with growing… fear?

He did not want to know who any of these important people were.

"I should go," she met his gaze and smiled. He had the strangest sensation that she knew what he was thinking.

She didn't wait for a response but moved towards his door and he followed after her. She stopped at the note by his door and scribbled on it, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to let me know. It was good to meet you, Zoran."

He pushed his hands into his pockets and gave an uncommitted nod, "Thanks again for the meals."

She gave him another accessing look, smiled, and then was gone.

He released a breath after she left. His eyes strayed towards his backpack still blocking part of the entryway. It would so easy to just pick it back up and disappear again. A part of him wanted to. He wanted to avoid those others. He wanted to avoid Khaled. He almost wanted to avoid Ami.

He sighed. He already knew that wasn't an option. He was curious, despite every instinct telling him to resist whatever pulled him towards her and towards whoever these others were. That's why he returned, wasn't it? To find out what he's trying to avoid and face it. To figure out how it's related to those lost months of his life.

He returned to the couch, flopped onto his back, and once again covered his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Zoran stood outside the door, staring but not moving. He'd worked himself up all week to attend the support group this evening. Now that he was here, however, he was feeling that same urge to flee as he had the last time he'd attended. It was almost worse, accompanied by the premonition that things were about to get even more complicated than before.

He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Then he released it and slumped back over. He didn't understand why the man intimidated him so much. When he'd gone to Khaled before he'd ran, the man had been so patient, so understanding. Zoran wasn't even sure what he had said to Khaled that day. He'd just rambled and panicked. Khaled probably would have been helpful if Zoran hadn't already been over the edge.

The worst of it was, that now the Zoran was back, he felt as though he had somehow let down the other man. He had seen the tension around Khaled's eyes and how hard he had tried to calm him down. Even before that, Khaled had spent months talking with Zoran, allowing him to confide in him without expecting anything in return. Zoran had given him less than nothing when he'd left. He hadn't even given him any indication that he way okay. And, he was ashamed of it.

He drew in another deep breath and gave a sharp nod. As he started to step towards the door, someone brushed past him, knocking his arm as they went.

"Sorry," the man tossed over his shoulder. He took two more steps, stopped, and turned to face Zoran. His face lit up. The grin was boyish, broad. The blue eyes sparkled. There was something decidedly mischievous in the expression. And, possibly… relieved?

"It's… no problem…" Zoran muttered, that same uneasy, fluttering sensation he so often had around Khaled kicking up.

"Right, of course. You coming in?" the man pulled the door open, holding it open for Zoran.

Zoran eyed him for second, before moving slowly by him and into the community center. There were several classes and groups held in the center and a gym in the back. People moved in and out for various reasons all through the day. The man, however, trailed slightly behind Zoran on his way to the normal meeting room for the group.

"Zoran," Khaled was immediately by his side when he entered the room, his name barely a breath and full of relief. The man's gaze searched his for a second, "I'm glad you've returned."

_I'm glad you're okay_.

He didn't say it, but Zoran felt that's what the man had really been thinking. So, Khaled had worried about him when he'd disappeared. The guilt clenched his stomach, but he managed a repentant smile, "Of course, I just needed some time."

"Understandable," Khaled gave him a sharp nod and then moved his gaze to the man Zoran had met outside. The man had stepped up beside him, same mischievous smile playing on his face. A slight strain inched its way onto Khaled's features. His eyes slid past the other man, as though he expected to see someone else, "Hello, Jacob. How are you?"

"Good," Jacob grinned, as though he were completely oblivious to Khaled's discomfort. "It seems I quite literally ran into a new group member outside."

Khaled tilted his head, "Zoran has just returned. Zoran, this is Jacob. He's only been apart of the group for a couple of weeks."

"It's _very_ nice to meet you, Zoran," Jacob smiled.

Zoran turned the name over in his head, wondering if he could place it. The man had that spark in his eyes, as though he knew something, knew Zoran. Much like Ami had when she'd entered his house.

"It's nice to meet you, too," Zoran answered with a slight bow of his head.

When Zoran looked back at Khaled, the man's eyes were scanning the hallway again. Khaled turned back to Jacob, "No guest this time?"

"No," the man answered slowly. He was still smiling, but his eyes had hardened. "She felt it might be better if she's not a _constant_ reminder. But, she did ask me to let you know that she still has things she has to do. You know how persistent she can be."

Khaled's entire body seemed to tense, just enough for Zoran to notice it and when he spoke, it was sharp and short, "Of course."

Jacob's eyes narrowed, but he didn't answer.

Zoran glanced back and forth between the two men. When Khaled had first addressed Jacob, there had been a hint of tension between the two men. Zoran had never seen Khaled any less that completely welcoming to all members of the group, but he didn't seem pleased with Jacob's presence. Jacob seemed to roll with it, either not noticing Khalid's stiffness or not caring. Except, when the _she_ was mentioned. Jacob had grown stony, hiding it about as well as Khaled, when the man had asked about the _guest_. Khaled seemed to lose his calm façade as soon as she was mentioned.

"Well, we should get started. Please find your seats," Khaled had tried to portray his normal calm, but Zoran could still detect the tension under the surface as he turned away.

Jacob snorted and rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, "Yes, _sir_."

Zoran raised his eyebrows, surprised.

Jacob shook his head and smiled, "Don't worry about it. It's completely personal between the two of us. Well, honestly, it's mostly the two of _them_, and, to be even more honest, it's mostly him. But, he'll get even more pissy if I tell you about it," Jacob winked. "Let's sit."

Zoran followed Jacob to a seat, finding his curiosity piqued. Everyone in the group had always respected Khaled. Zoran sometimes felt that he almost revered the older man. He hadn't imagined anyone talking about Khaled the way that Jacob had. Whatever caused the discourse between the two, Zoran felt sure there was something more to it than a couple weeks of group.

Through the group, Zoran found himself dwelling more on the men and this mysterious _she_ than paying attention to what was going on in group. He nodded and smiled when his return was noted but didn't participate much more than that. Jacob, he was surprised to note, did participate quite a bit and Zoran found himself amazed by the man's insights into what it was like to lose months of your life. Zoran had pegged him as laidback and happy-go-lucky. Clearly, there was more to him than whatever his relationship he had with Khaled would indicate.

After group, Jacob immediately turned to him, "Want to grab a drink? We can invite General Grouch if you'd like."

Zoran's eyes shot towards Khaled. The man rolled his eyes, indicating that he had heard Jacob's remark. The most amazing part to Zoran was that he man looked more amused than tense now. He found himself even more curious about the dynamic between the two men.

"Sure," Zoran finally shrugged. He'd wanted to find time to talk with Khaled, but he couldn't pass up an opportunity to appease his curiosity about his new acquaintance.

"I'll meet you after I clean up," Khaled stated from across the room.

Zoran was mildly surprised he had accepted. From Jacob's raised eyebrows, Zoran assumed he was just as surprised.

Jacob rattled off the name of a nearby diner before heading from the room, waving to Khaled over his shoulder. Zoran glanced at Khaled, who gave him a nod, and then followed Jacob. They walked in silence at first, weaving around the late evening crush on the sidewalks.

Finally, Zoran's curiosity got the best of him, "You and Khaled seem to… know each other."

Jacob smiled, "We've known each other both far too long and not long enough. It's… complicated."

_Well, that was a non-answer_, Zoran thought. Though, he understood that there was more to the statement than was said. He pushed on, "You don't get along?"

Jacob was quite for a moment. He finally stopped walking and turned to face Zoran, studying him for a second. His eyes betrayed a level of sadness when he spoke, "I have always respected him above nearly all others. I still respect him, but we're… different than we were before. It's difficult trying to figure out the new playing field."

"Did losing your memory change you?" Zoran asked.

Jacob offered a small smile, "Not nearly as much as getting it back."


	4. Chapter 4

The dinner went much better than Zoran had expected. They'd talked. They'd laughed. Both Jacob and Khaled had teased. It had shocked him that things seemed so _easy. _They had been so tense at the meeting; he hadn't been sure the two were capable of getting along.

He hadn't even been aware that Khaled could appear so relaxed. He'd always seemed so tense, as though he were trying to hold the world together, as though he were carrying this great burden. It appeared that with Jacob, that burden was somewhat lessened, regardless of what other burdens Jacob brought with him.

The young man clearly brought some burdens to Khaled. Zoran witness him tense up only a couple of times. The first was when Jacob had mentioned his girlfriend, Rei he had called her, and his group of friends. Jacob reached over and gave Khaled a pat when he had tensed, proving that he was as aware of Khaled's changes in moods as Zoran was. He had been purposefully ignoring the signs earlier, which meant the conversation earlier about this _she_ was as strain inducing to Jacob as it was for Khaled. Zoran thought the _she _might be Jacob's girlfriend. However, neither seemed to react quite as intensely as they had earlier.

The other change in Khaled's relaxed posture happened when Zoran had mentioned the girl who had brought him food, Ami. Even Jacob sat up a little straighter at the mention of the time she had spent sitting in his apartment, at the admission that she knew who he was, that she had refused to really tell him anything. Curiosity burned in their eyes. Curiosity and concern.

"Did she touch you?" Jacob finally asked and then flinched, "OUCH! I was only curious."

If Zoran hadn't been so busy flushing at just the idea of her _touching_ him, and then berating himself for being so prudish, he would have paid closer attention to the exchange. As it was, she had discomfited enough without there being any physical touch. He remembered her standing close beside him, close enough to feel her warmth but not close enough for them to actually touch. He'd _wanted _to reach towards her, but that had left him even more unsteady than just her presence had.

He'd never before considered the fact that he didn't have much experience with women. He'd ended up in a coma at only 16. Of course, he'd flirted as a teen. He'd known even then that he was attractive and he'd taken pride in it, used it to his advantage. Saucy smiles and flirtatious winks went a long way when you relied on the kindness of others. There had been the one girl, another teen who had decided they were better off together than alone on streets. She had been the closest thing to a relationship he'd ever experienced, but survival had always been both of their main concerns. And, when he had awoken, he found he didn't _care_. No one was interesting. No one drew him in. Until he'd met her.

He frowned and shook his head.

"Good," Jacob breathed with a sharp nod. "Trust me, it's better that way."

Zoran tilted his head at his new friend. This time, he took note of the shuffle under the table. Clearly, Jacob moved in time, because he merely shot a glare at Khaled. That's when Zoran really noticed it, understood why Khaled had been so willing to come to this dinner. They were hiding something. Something was being left unsaid and Khaled had intended to ensure it stayed that way. The comfort he found in Jacob's company was a bonus. Protecting Zoran had been his main concern.

"What?" Zoran asked, glancing between the two men.

"Nothing," Khaled answered.

Jacob glanced away, avoiding Zoran's questing gaze. Zoran felt the muscles in his face tighten, his heart beat faster. Something in his head, some different part of himself that he'd never noticed before, pounded. It was as angry as he was, maybe even as frightened.

Zoran didn't make another comment. He allowed the conversation to stiltedly return to the casual atmosphere it had been before. The unsaid, the tension, was still there. Just under the surface. When they left, he saw Khaled lay a hand on Jacob's shoulder, stopping him from walking away as Zoran turned to leave. Khaled had wanted to talk to the other man. About him, Zoran sensed. About the conversation at the table.

* * *

The annoyance followed Zoran home. That other part, that different part, in his head continued to feel annoyed, as well. It was separate than his own feelings. He wasn't sure how he could tell, but he knew it wasn't just coming from him. He didn't know what it said about his mental state that he was separating a piece inside his head from himself. He wasn't sure he wanted to dwell on that either.

He understood why he was so angry. They were keeping something from him, keeping things about him from him. Ami had done it, Khaled had done it, and Jacob had done it. They knew something, more than what they were saying, even more than what they had hinted at. Ami had known _him_. She'd admitted that much but wouldn't tell him much else. Both Khaled and Jacob had known something that had to do with him. Zoran had a feeling that they knew _him_ at least as well as Ami did.

He was less sure why this other part of him was so annoyed. He didn't feel like it was because they were hiding something from him. There was something different that was upsetting that piece of him.

Zoran stopped walking and began to prod at that piece, that place inside his head from which the feelings were steadily emanating. It held tight, seemed almost to push back at him. His head began to ache, and he winced. There was no way through whatever defense it had set up. It seemed to actually up its walls, fading away to nothing like before.

He sighed and continued walking, mumbling under his breath, "I must be losing it."

The stress from the return- from the secrets, from her- was getting to him.

When he turned the final corner and saw her standing in front of his apartment, he wasn't sure whether he was elated or terrified.


	5. Chapter 5

Ami smiled when she saw him and he almost stopped where he was. He probably would have if the flow of the sidewalk hadn't kept pushing him forward. Lords, she couldn't be real. She was a fay, a changeling, anything not human. She had smiled at him several times during her last visit. But, they had all been reserved, secretive. This was… different. Open. She wasn't hiding anything or trying to put him at ease. She was _happy_ to see him.

His heart sped and he found himself smiling back without thought. He had hoped she would show back up. He hadn't been able to bring himself to do anything with the number she had left behind. But, gods, had he wanted to see her again. Even with the exhaustion and the secrets, he'd wanted to talk to her again. He may not learn anything new, but he'd get to spend time with her.

He felt that presence in his head reawaken, as hopelessly drawn to her as he was. It seemed it couldn't stay quiet and still around her now that it had been brought out once. He could feel it stretching its reach, fighting for some kind of purchase. Its emotions began to pour from its confined space, so many all at once. Excitement, fear, regret, need. Then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped. The presence once again retreated. The emotions slipped away and were replaced with that familiar urge to _just get away_.

It was too late, though. He was standing in front of her and she was looking up at him with such relief that he couldn't have turned and left if all of him had wanted to do it.

"I wanted to talk with you about something," she stated. No greeting, no preamble.

"Want to come up?" the words were, once again, out of his mouth before he could think better of it. He definitely_ shouldn't _have asked. They could talk about whatever it was here. Alone was intimate. Alone was bad. Alone wreaked havoc on his entire being.

She nodded her assent and followed him into the building. Neither spoke during the elevator's slow climb or the walk to the end of the hallway. When they entered the apartment, she immediately glanced at the paper on the side table with her number scrawled across it.

A corner of her mouth rose, "You weren't going to reach out to me, then?"

"I hadn't decided," he mumbled before turning towards the kitchen. The kitchen felt neutral, non-threatening. He'd already talked to her once in the small space. He'd survived that encounter, so surely he could survive another. He leaned against a countertop, watching as she stood primly in the center of the room, "So, you wanted to talk?"

"Yes, about work," her face immediately turned serious. The look was at home on her features and he could picture her going through a work day exactly like this. "How much school did you finish? You went into a coma at 16, correct? Did you start secondary school? Have you taken the proficiency exam?"

He stared at her for a moment. He was vaguely surprised she needed to ask any questions about him. She clearly had far more information on him than he'd realized. She at least understood the school system where he was raised, which likely meant she knew grew up. Finally, he shrugged, "I barely finished primary school. I didn't have time for secondary school."

"Why not?"

"Too busy trying to eat."

"What?"

"I left home at 14. I had to eat. So, I just barely finished my final year of primary school. And then, I was here and 20," he held out his arms to indicate the apartment.

She was silent for several minutes, regarding him. He could see her coming to grips with school being a second priority. Everything about her screamed studious. She clearly didn't understand what it was like to be concerned with something other than school and grades.

"Oh, I… I'm sorry."

He shrugged. He'd never had a problem with the fact that he hadn't attended secondary school. He'd worked so hard that first year to finish primary school. If it hadn't been for Ana finding him within his first 3 months of living on the streets and her adding her meager income to what he could earn on the side, he probably wouldn't have made it through that final year. He'd wanted to finish more. He'd _liked_ school. He'd always enjoyed learning. And, he was smart. He would have had no problems going to a secondary school if he'd found the time to do it. Although, the start would have been useless with whatever happened to him barely a year later.

"It's fine. I should apply for the proficiency exam. Your mother said she could get me signed up for it. Sort of like she's done everything else," he gave a self-depreciating smile. He wasn't sure exactly how her mother had managed to get him through the system to live and work here, with so little schooling and such dubious circumstances. He was sure similar methods would be used to get him the equivalence of secondary schooling.

"Of course, well, we can do that when… if… you want," she took a deep breath and seemed to recompose herself. "What have you been doing for work since then?"

"Same as always. This and that. Physical labor, assisting shop keepers… I've become surprising proficient at bartending. I'm told it's my pretty face," he gave his best smile, hoping to put her back at ease.

"That I believe," she muttered, her face turning red. Despite the blush, he saw her body relax even more. "Well, it's not a _bar_ bar, but Makoto manages a little bakery with a juice bar. She mentioned that their last pretty face left, so there's an opening."

She'd said it with such a straight face, shooting him a look from beneath her lashes. It had been so unexpected that he actually snorted. She'd seemed so reserved through both of their meetings that he hadn't expected her to tease him back. He wandered how often she allowed the teasing side out. He was excited to find out.

"Do you visit often?" he slid his hands into his pocket, trying to seem at ease and much more confident than he actually felt in her presence.

"Nearly every day. To study," she answered, smiling at him coyly.

Was she flirting back? The idea sent a thrill through Zoran. So did the idea of working somewhere she frequented. It would solve multiple problems. He could work, make a little money to pay for rent and food himself, and see Ami more. Maybe, he could even get more details about how she knew him. He could get more details about _her,_ which sounded even more appealing than learning about his mysterious memory loss.

"Right," he pushed himself off the counter and walked closer. "How do I apply?"

She watched him, a slight weariness entering her expression as he moved closer, "I can take you to meet Makoto. I think she's with our friends right now. I received a message earlier that they were getting together. They'd be very interested in meeting you, too."

His mood fell as he stopped in front of her, "The others who I'm important to?"

She gave a slight nod, "There's nothing to worry about from them."

He felt his lips purse. There was _every_thing to worry about in meeting them. He could feel it. If he'd felt like going to that group earlier this evening was going to make things more complicated, this would make everything an absolute, verifiable clusterfuck. He just wanted to settle in, know _her_, not get mixed up in who knows what. Whatever he had been mixed up in five years ago, most likely.

"I don't know," he answered finally.

"Not yet, at least," her head tilted down and he caught the disappointment in her face and tone.

He couldn't help it. His hand moved on its own accord, reaching to brush over her arm.

Her head shot up just before he made contact, her eyes wide. She seemed to try and move back, "Oh, I don't…"

Suddenly, it was gone. His kitchen, her, everything. There were images, quick and bright, almost indiscernible. It was all _her_. So many different images of her. Laughing, reading, scolding a young blonde, surrounded by mist and magic.

Then, just as suddenly as they had started, they were slipping away and he was fighting to hold onto them. Soon, he wasn't sure why he had been fighting so hard and all he could concentrate on was the rolling in his stomach and the pain in his head. Pain emanating from _that_ area.

He glanced around and noticed that she'd reached for his trash can and pulled it closer, as though she knew what was coming next. Of course, she had known and thank gods she did. He wasn't sure he would have had time to get over to it. Before he knew it, he was leaning over the can and losing the very fine diner food he'd eaten for dinner.

"Ohhh, Zoran," he could see her hands moving between them, as though she was simultaneously wanting to reach for him and realizing that it would likely make things worse. He was glad she didn't try and touch him again. He wasn't sure he could take another round of whatever was happening to him.

_Did she touch you?_

Jacob's words filtered through his thoughts. He had _known_. Jacob had known what would happen. Whatever it was that had happened. And, damn the man, he hadn't thought to _warn_ him better?

"What…" Zoran took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, "the hell?"


	6. Chapter 6

Zoran was angry. He'd been angry for the last week. He'd known there was something there the first time he'd felt that presence. It was Jacob and Khaled's fault he'd felt it at all. Everything had been fine. He'd been normal enough. Now, he was blacking out, throwing up. And, it led back to those two men. The two men he'd found himself inexplicably drawn to and terrified of at the same time. The two that meant something to him. The two that meant something to whatever it was inside his head.

After he'd regained some semblance of composure after his _episode, _he'd rudely pushed Ami out the door. Figuratively of course. He wasn't going to get that close to her again. Whatever had happened to him had definitely happened because he had touched her. That made it all the worse. Ami intrigued him. She was a puzzle, reserved and quiet. He could see the intelligence simmering in her half answers and small smiles. He hadn't finished school, but he'd never stopped reading and learning as much as he could. Now, he wanted to learn both from her and about her. He found himself torn between wanting nothing to do with her and wanting _everything_ to do with her.

He also knew _that_ presence in his head wanted more to do with her as well. That scared him even more. _It_ had been so pleased to see her, and the intensity of the emotions had shocked Zoran. He barely knew Ami, there was no reason that any part of his psyche should be so enthralled with her. That momentary longing he'd felt when he'd seen her outside of his apartment was telling enough. He was aware enough to know it hadn't all been from _it_.

He was also aware enough to realize that whatever had happened to him involved that part of himself. There was something there, just as she'd pulled back form his touch, that he had wanted to hold onto. He had felt it, the desperation. The desperation for him to remember and the desperation of that piece of him to hide it.

He'd spent the week probing that area of his mind, just as he had exactly one week ago when it had first made itself known. However, it seemed to have once again disappeared. There had been no emotions, no confinements, detected. All that the he had managed in the last week was to give himself massive headaches and, one time, to pass out again. He'd awoken feeling foolish.

That's when he remembered who would have the answers for him. Of course, Ami _could_ have them, but he had no desire to seek her out yet. No, he couldn't risk approaching her and having something as embarrassing and painful as last time happening again. But, there were two others who had some answers for him.

Even more than answers, Zoran wanted to rail at the men for not warning him better.

He didn't attend the group this time. He purposely waited until everyone was dismissing before seeking the room where the group would take place. Khaled would be the last one to leave and, surely with him, Jacob. He wasn't sure if they would be talking or even getting along this time, but he knew they would be together. They'd disagreed, but the connection was obvious.

He heard the voices as soon as he approached the door. He was surprised to hear the barely controlled annoyance in Khaled's tone, "If you guys would just stay out of it and leave him alone this wouldn't have happened."

"Oh please," the female voice cut through air. "Nothing has even happened. And, just because you have chosen to avoid your duties, doesn't mean he will."

"It's his choice…" Khaled started.

"Exactly," the woman cut him off. "Which is why we haven't taken any steps to do anything more than meet him."

He pushed the door open a crack to see Khaled squaring off across from a blonde-haired woman. Jacob stood close by her side, as though he were ready to stop any violence that may erupt between the two. Zoran thought that was ridiculous. Khaled would never resort to violence unless absolute necessary, especially against such a petite female. However, even he could admit that the tension was nothing if not completely combustible.

Jacob and Khaled's head turned immediately towards the door and Zoran had the eerie feeling that the men had sensed him more than heard him open the door. As soon as he made eye contact with the younger of the two men, the eerie feeling vanished, and annoyance took its place. He pushed the door open, damn near marched across the room, and shoved Jacob.

"What?" Jacob gaped at him surprise.

"That," he shoved the man again, "was a shitty warning."

"Well, it wasn't _my_ fault. _He's_ the one who kept kicking me under the table," Jacob pointed at Khaled to emphasize his point. "Doesn't want to be a leader but damn sure wants to call the shots."

Khaled glared at Jacob. Zoran stared at he two men again, knowing he was missing something importance. The term leader rolled through his head. Of course, Khaled wanted to call the shots. Of course, he was the leader. He always had been.

"Of course, he does," the blonde murmured, and Zoran didn't have to look at her to know she'd rolled her eyes.

"This is none of your concern," Khaled snapped. "You shouldn't even be here."

"I've told you. It's _his_ concern which makes it _her_ concern which makes it _my _concern," she responded.

Zoran eyed her for a minute. He'd only seen Khaled so stiff when discussing the _she_ and Jadeite's girlfriend last week. So, this was the woman who had the unflappable Khaled so off-balance? He could immediately understand why. She was as short and snarky with Khaled as he seemed to be with her. He couldn't imagine what could have happened to cause such a rift and Zoran was even more surprised that Khaled allowed it cause issues with Jacob, a relationship that was clearly important.

"This is your girlfriend?" Zoran asked Jacob. It didn't feel right. Something was wrong with that.

"She is _not_ his girlfriend," Khaled nearly barked the answer and Zoran started in surprise.

Jacob laughed.

The woman snorted, "Rei would roast us both alive. I'm Minako, a friend of Jacob's and of Ami's. You must be Zoran."

Zoran was kind of surprised when she mentioned being friends with Ami. They seemed so different. Their personalities surely wouldn't allow such a close friend. Ami was quiet. He could tell Minako was anything but. Her aura held a sense of purpose, a light that would immediately draw a crowd. He understood why her and Jacob seemed so close. During dinner the week before, Jacob had laughed and joked in a way that was sure to either put others at ease or drive them crazy. There was something in the girls face reminiscent of that. At least, he felt there would be if she weren't so tense.

Then, he realized the insinuation and turned on Jacob again, "Why didn't you mention you knew Ami?"

"Oops, that's my cue… Good luck, Jacob," she gave him a repentant smile and gave his arm a small punch. She gave him a small wave, "Nice to meet you, Zoran."

When she glanced towards Khaled, her expression went bland and cold before she spun on her heels and left the room.

Zoran might have paid more attention to Khaled's subtle tensing if he hadn't remembered exactly what had brought him to seek out these two in the first place. He trusted them. He'd known Khaled almost as long as he'd been awake from his coma. He'd confided in him and sought him out for advice. He was naturally drawn to Jacob. He'd told them about Ami last week and they hadn't mentioned knowing her, knowing what would happen if he touched. These people were supposed to have his back and they had let him go into battle blindly.

"You knew Ami and you didn't mention it? Hell, you knew what would happen if I touched her and you couldn't even be damned to warn me better?"

Jacob had the grace to look contrite, "I probably should have made it a little clearer that you shouldn't touch her. Khaled felt like that might be too much information."

"Information about what?" Zoran narrowed his eyes at Khaled, daring him to keep hiding things. He knew immediately that was exactly what Khaled intended to do. No amount of ire would convince this man that his decision was wrong.

"When it's time, you'll figure it out," Khaled answered, his arms crossing.

Zoran glanced towards Jacob, raising a brow. Jacob winced, "If I thought just telling you would do more good than harm, I totally would… But, until _he_ is ready for you to remember… Or, until you make the right connections…"

Jacob gave a small, resigned shrug. Something in Jacob's look spoke of understanding, camaraderie. Zoran saw it and felt some of his anger slipping away.

He shook his head, "He? Is it the he…" he trailed off and tapped the place in his head he'd felt he presence before.

"In your head?" Jacob asked. "Has he spoken?"

"Of course not. I'm not crazy," Zoran glared, immediately regretting mentioning anything about it. He'd felt safe, understood, and it had just come out.

Jacob laughed, "Oh, trust me, I am the last one to think that about anyone else. Look, I know it's frustrating. Just, keep listening to your instincts and we'll get here."

He wanted to be frustrated. He wanted to stay angry. He couldn't when he looked between the two men, saw the earnestness in their looks. They did want to help him. The wanted to be there for him. He wished they could, or would, do more. Khaled didn't want him to know whatever it was, that much was obvious. Knowing Khaled as he did, he was trying to protect him from something. He thought he was doing what was best. Jacob _wanted_ to tell, wanted him to know. Jacob's need to protect him and respect Khaled won out over any other desire he had.

"I'm not getting any farther in this am I?" Zoran sighed, shaking his head.

"Sorry," Jacob shrugged. "We may disagree on a lot right now, not just limited to the best course of action in this scenario, but there's still enough regard to respect the other's opinions.

Jacob could saw that same understanding and loyalty between Jacob and Khaled that had showed itself at the diner. Some part of him recognized it, yearned for it. He wasn't completely happy with how it turned out, but he could respect their wishes. He could also do what Jacob had told him. Follow his instincts.

"Do you have the information for Ami's friend's bakery?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Zoran, how are we on mangoes?"

"We should probably bring some in from the back before the next rush," Zoran answered, scrutinizing the stock of fruits and vegetables in front of him. "We could probably use more carrots, kale, spinach, and blueberries, as well."

The brunette winked and sent him a thumbs up before heading into the back. Ami's friend Makoto had been more than happy to hire him to mix the juices and take some orders, so long as he didn't make her look bad. He had worked in the little bakery that she managed for the last two weeks and he felt pretty confident that he hadn't made her look bad. Of course, Zoran had met he owner once during this time and the older gentleman had raved about Makoto so much that Zoran wasn't sure anything could make her look bad.

He liked Makoto. She was fair, hardworking, sometimes a little scary, and often very motherly. She mothered her friends. She mothered the owner. She mothered _him._ She was even more accommodating than Ami's mother. She sent him home with meals nearly every day. He'd told her once he was capable of making food and she'd so absolutely told him to shove it and take the food that he hadn't said another word about it.

He'd found he liked all of Ami's and Jacob's friends. He'd met them at various times throughout he last two weeks. Usually, they stampeded into the shop as one raucous group, the two blondes usually the loudest. Sometimes, one would stop in for a juice while running towards some class or errand. He'd had the chance to talk to all of them. He'd found he was right about Minako. When she wasn't in the Khaled's presence, she was always laughing and joking, sometimes bordering on rambunctious. He was unsure about Rei at first. She seemed so serious, so passionate. Jacob, however, was undeniably crazy about her and, Zoran quickly realized, she was about him, as well. Usagi was just _kind_. He was fairly sure he'd never met a person with a purer heart. She chattered at him, giggled, included him in everything.

Ami was as studious as he'd assumed. She came every day after classes with one large textbook or another. Sometimes, she talked to her friends. Sometimes, she talked to him. Sometimes, he noticed, she seemed to be completely lost to everything and everyone around her. He loved to watch her at these times. The books always looked so complicated and she always looked so invested. There was something familiar and comforting about those moments.

He'd asked her during the first week what her area of study was. She'd told him biology, that she would love to become a doctor like her mother but there probably wouldn't be time for that. At least, there wouldn't be time until things settled back down. She hadn't exactly seemed sad when she'd said it. When he asked why, she had glanced towards where Usagi stood by the door, talking with a man, and smiled. _Some things are more precious_, she had answered.

He'd pondered that point for a while. He was aware that there was a hint there. Something that set Ami and her friends apart from others, in case he hadn't realized it before. He'd noticed that all of the group had their own things, their own lives, but they still somehow centered everything around Usagi and the man she'd been whispering with at the door that day.

Which brought him to that man. He hadn't actually met the man. He didn't often come into the café, at least not while he was there. He always seemed to be leaving as Zoran was arriving. He'd slip in during busy periods to talk with everyone at the table. He never came to the counter to order. Makoto would have food and a coffee ready to go when he entered the room. They always seemed to miss one another, and Zoran was beginning to think that was planned.

His name, he'd learned, was Mamoru. He was Usagi's fiancé, a relationship he could have guessed based only on how much of the girl's chattering involved doing things with _Mamo-chan._ He seemed to be close with everyone. If he did stop in during one of those busy periods, he and Jacob would often sit next to each other, heads close and expressions serious. If Mamoru was grabbing some coffee and Ami was studying, he'd sit with her, point out things in her text book.

Zoran _would_ be jealous, he admitted. It would be so easy to be jealous of the man for being so close to not only Ami, but Jacob and the others, as well. As it was, he found himself too relieved every time they seemed to avoid each other to actually feel any jealousy or annoyance. His whole body seemed to tense when the man entered the building and then he'd relax the second he walked out.

It stemmed from _him_, that him inside his head that Jacob had verified was there. He mostly seemed quiet. The first day Ami had walked in, there was that overwhelming joy again, followed by something that seemed darker, heavier. Remorse, maybe? It had dimmed to a single spark each day Zoran saw her again. But, when Mamoru walked in. The walls went up. He could feel it, agitation and fear swirling around inside his head. It made Zoran wary of the man as well and he knew the relief when Mamoru left came both from Zoran himself and that other _him_.

"Well, shit," came Makoto's voice loud with an edge of pain from the back, pulling Zoran from his thoughts and his task of restocking the fruit Makoto had brought out only 5 minutes before. She came out of the swinging door with a towel around her hand. "Shit, no Ami. I got distracted while cutting up some strawberries."

"Let me see," Zoran automatically stuck out his hand and Makoto stared at him for a few seconds longer. "Come on, I'm handy with first aid."

"You're going to touch me? Willingly?" Makoto asked, tilting her head.

Zoran sighed. Jacob had told him that it was _probably_ find if he touched anyone who wasn't Ami, but he'd been reluctant to do it. However, it couldn't be helped now, "I'm sure it will be fine. Better than letting you bleed out or trying to do it one-handed. Give me your hand."

She finally held out her hand and he glanced under the towel, cautiously touching her wrist to move her hand into the light. Nothing happened. He sighed with relief, "Not serious. Shouldn't need stitches. Let's get away from the food area and I can bandage it up."

As they were moving towards the back, the doors whirred as a guest entered and Zoran threw back, "We'll be with you in just a few moments. We thank you for your patience."

"What happened?" Ami's voice was concerned, and he heard her books hit the table and quick footsteps following them towards the back.

"I was watching TV while chopping up fruit. Distractions plus knife equal bad, I know. I would have been fine if I hadn't thought I'd seen _him_," Makoto muttered as she took a seat and Zoran retrieved the first aid kit.

"She's fine. It's just a scratch," Zoran told Ami off-handedly. "Who'd you see?"

"I can take care of it," Ami interrupted, moving to take the bandages.

"Nah, it's fine. I have knack for it," Zoran shot her a smile. "It was another side business. I helped an acquaintance once and word got out. People would come see me when they didn't want to visit a doctor. I was told they healed quicker than normal after I bandaged them up."

He winked at Makoto and she laughed, "Of course, they did. Did they all happen to be female? A lot of paper cuts and fingers caught in doors."

"He was always good at healing," he heard Ami mutter. When he glanced at her, she was back in that place, somewhere beyond where he could see.

"Who?"

"A friend," Makoto smiled. "So, did you keep supplies?"

A subject change, Zoran realized. Then he remembered the first him, the one that had so distracted Makoto that she'd managed to slice her finger. They'd managed to avoid answering that, as well. He eyed her for a second and then returned to his task, finishing washing the wound, "We kept some things. They typically paid us enough to be able to keep supplies. I made some poultices and salves myself."

"You made things to put on wounds? How did you know what to do?" Ami asked, seeming equally intrigued and terrified.

Zoran shrugged, beginning to wrap the bandage around Makoto's finger, "Ana got hurt one day and I just… mixed it up. After that, I found a book at the library. Apparently, I'd mixed up the right things. I guess I just knew. I tried to double check everything after that but… It was just natural. That wasn't long before… Whatever happened. It really started to turn things around for Ana and me, though."

"Who's Ana?" Ami asked, her voice quiet.

He paused, glancing over her shoulder to where she sat motionless, "Can you tear off a piece of that tape and hand it to Makoto?"

She was silent as she did what he asked. He noticed that Makoto was looking everywhere but at them. They wanted answers. But, to be fair, so did he.

"Who was good with healing? Who did Makoto see that distracted her so much?" he asked into the silence, taking the tape from Makoto and putting in place. He turned her hand this way and that, inspecting his handy work. "Honestly, it already looked like the bleeding was stopping. This was probably overkill."

Makoto gave a small smile, "I appreciate it either way."

Silence once again took over.

Finally, Makoto sighed, "I thought I saw someone I used to know. His name was Nephrite."

The name stirred in his memory. That piece in the back of his head reached out for just a second and then retreated. So, it was like Ami and Jacob and Khaled. Something important to that piece of himself.

"Makoto, we agreed that…" Ami started, but Makoto waved her off.

"Sorry, we're asking questions. It's only fair that we answer some. There was a news article about America on TV, talking about his miraculous return and all these things he's doing. I haven't seen him in a while and didn't know where he was. It came as a surprise," Makoto tried to give a smile, but it was dimmer than normal.

"That sounds like it would be a shock," he finally answered, and it almost seemed to disappoint Makoto. As though she were hoping he'd have more of a reaction. He felt guilty that he couldn't give her what she'd expected, "Ana was… my partner, I guess. Kind of more than a girlfriend and kind of less than a girlfriend. It was… survival."

He didn't look at Ami, not yet. It was easier to just tell Makoto. He didn't want to delve too deeply into the why of it.

"Have you contacted her since you woke up?" Makoto asked, glancing from him to the silent Ami.

He shrugged, "Sent a letter to an acquaintance that has a more stable residence, just to let her know I was alive. She'd left. Married some guy, I think. Like I said, it was all about survival. She wouldn't have waited around for me. We'd agreed on that before, a lot can happen when you're moving place to place. I cared about her well-being but… it was complicated. I was too young and inexperienced to make it on my own and she could use the extra money a pretty face would secure. It just worked. I'm glad she's doing better than we were before."

"I'm sorry," Makoto glanced from him to Ami again.

"Don't be. It was life. I've got a solid gig now," he gave her a reassuring smile and faced Ami, whose face was carefully impassive. He had an odd sense that he had somehow betrayed her. He hadn't known her, and things had been so casual with Ana. He attempted a half smile, "Joining the sharing circle?"

Ami glanced from Makoto to him a few times, seemingly unable to make up her mind. Her questing gaze landed on Makoto, "I don't know."

Makoto shrugged, "Your choice. Rei had a choice. You get a choice."

He was momentarily distracted by the thought of Rei and what she may have had a choice in. Jacob's words came back to him. _Until you make the right connections_. So, he had made the right connection. Either with Rei or through Rei. And, now, Ami had the choice. The same choice that Rei had had before. A choice that, Zoran was sure, involved Jacob and his memories being recovered.

"It was a friend," Ami repeated Makoto's earlier words. "He was good at healing all kinds of wounds. It was amazing, really. He and I were… close."

"More or less than Ana and me?" Zoran asked with a raised brow. It was barely more of an answer than he had received from Makoto. But it was awakening that part of his mind. He could feel the agitation grow. At the term friend, at the description of _close_. At the conversation as a whole.

"Oh, more," Ami breathed. "Zoisite was… a lot."

_Zoisite_. That was important. He knew it was because the agitation turned to anger, to fury. It didn't like the name, the man.

"Zoisite is _gone_," the words burst from his mouth without any control. He hadn't thought them himself. He wasn't even sure what they meant. They must have come from_ there_. From _him_. Zoran wanted to say _something_, but he couldn't get his body to obey. The words kept coming from some where else, as though he were just a spectator to his own life. "I didn't deserve you. I didn't deserve _him_. _Leave it alone._"

The anger retreated back to its safe little corner. The walls built back up, the final tendrils of regret filtering out. _Lost control_, the thought accompanied the regret before it was all gone. Zoran felt only his own emotions. Fear. Confusion. He stared from Makoto and Ami, both silent and regarding him carefully. The headache began, creeping from the back corner and splitting his mind in two.

"I should… go…" Zoran mumbled, reaching up to press on the side of his head.

Makoto nodded silently.

Ami took a step towards him but stopped when he flinched, "Zoran…"

"I should go," he repeated and turned, leaving both silent in his wake.


	8. Chapter 8

Zoran was, once again, laid out in the same place across his couch. How much time had he spent sprawled across the cushions since his return? How much time had he spent trying to figure out what seemed to be a never-ending mess?

He'd had no control over himself. He hadn't been able to move his body, hadn't been able to form words of his own choosing. Something else, _someone else,_ had been controlling him. He'd been relegated to the sidelines. A few short weeks ago, he would have never guessed anyone else resided in his mind. Then, he'd assumed he was just losing it, allowing the stress to play tricks with his head. But, now… Now he had to admit that there was _more_. There was even more than Jacob had hinted at.

It wasn't just a presence or the emotions that were there. It was a person. A man. _That man._ Zoisite. Ami had loved him. It had been there, between the words and in her eyes. He was a lot to her. And, underneath the regret, guilt, and agony that had flowed from that place in the back of his mind, he'd felt that Zoisite had loved her, as well. The intensity of it had been as much a blow as the loss of control. He'd had felt hints of feelings before, but he hadn't expected the full force of the man's unbridled emotions.

He'd been jealous. He'd talked him Ami, watched her, and gotten to know her in the last few weeks. He had undoubtedly been drawn to her before, but now he _liked_ her. She was smart, dedicated, kind, thoughtful… He could wax on and on. But, she had loved this man. And, this man had loved her. This man was alive inside of him. He felt as though that made him irrelevant to her.

His door opened and closed without a knock. He knew who it was without having to look. He couldn't explain why he knew, but he was just _sure_ that it would be him. Zoisite knew, as well. He felt him shift in his mind for the first time since he'd locked himself away earlier that day.

"Did Ami tell you where I live?" he asked without looking up as the footsteps entered the room.

"She was worried," Jacob answered and Zoisite heard him collapse in the chair across the room. He didn't talk, didn't ask him about earlier that day, just sat silently.

When Zoran finally glanced over, Jacob was just studying his nails, "You're not going to say anything?"

"Minako and the Damned Therapist have taught me that some times saying nothing allows the most to be said," Jacob answered, glancing up at him and leaning forward.

"Damned Therapist?" Zoran asked, swinging his legs around to sit up.

"Yeah, great guy. Been seeing him for a few months now. Really grew on me. Let me know if you ever want his number," Jacob appeared completely at ease.

"Right," Zoran muttered, finding himself inexplicably annoyed. Jacob seemed so calm while his entire world was unraveling. "You didn't tell me that he could do that. You just asked if he had talked to me."

Jacob winced, "I didn't expect it to happen. I mean, it took _his_ presence for Jadeite to do it and we were so careful to keep him away from you."

"Jadeite?" the question came from two places. He'd asked out of confusion, curiosity. But, Zoisite had asked out of excitement, longing. Zoran tried to push it back, build the wall between them himself. Zoisite was able to block him out so easily. Zoran had hoped he could lock Zoisite away just as easily. It didn't seem to be working, however. Zoisite remained right there, interested in Jacob in ways he hadn't been before. Was he getting stronger?

Jacob narrowed his eyes, studying Zoran for a long a moment. He knew. Somehow, Jacob knew that Zoran was fighting for control with that other piece. Even more, he understood it. It was that same sense of comradery as before.

"Has he still not spoken _to _you?" Jacob finally asked and Zoran shook his head in response. "Hmm."

Zoran sat in silence while Jacob continued to study him, looking for something. Zoran found himself growing uncomfortable with the look. And, Zoisite was growing... obstinate?

Finally, Zoran broke the silence, "Was Jadeite…"

"Yeah, the same as him."

He went silent again. So, Jacob did understand as much as Zoran had believed. Zoran wondered how far some of these similarities went. His mind flashed back to Ami, to the emotions he'd witnessed in both her and Zoisite. He shifted his gaze away from Jacob, studying the painting just over his friend's shoulder, "Ami loved him."

Jacob drummed his fingers, continuing to stay silent for several more minutes, and Zoran could tell he was debating his words. When he finally spoke, it was more avoidance than response, "Maybe you should talk to her about that."

"He loved her."

"Maybe you should talk to him about that."

For the first time, Zoran realized that Jacob may be debating on what was _his place_ to tell Zoran as much as _how much_ Zoran should know. Makoto had said information was Ami's choice. Jacob had continued to respect Khaled's wishes despite clearly disagreeing with them. They had all been assigned roles to play and none of them seemed interested in going off script. No. It wasn't that they weren't _interested_. It seemed like it was more than that. They were reluctant to go script. Reluctant to change the status quo. It was a part of that thing that made these people different from others.

He wouldn't get the answers he wanted from Jacob.

Zoran sighed, "There's nothing you can do for me?"

Jacob gave a pained smile, "Just offer support and understanding. And, request that you meet my friend. He could give you more answers, more insight."

_Nooo_, the voice was pained. He didn't want to face whoever this was, whatever it meant. He'd only felt this level of resistance with the man from the bakery. The one everyone had worked so hard to keep from him. The one he'd worked so hard to keep away from. That Zoisite clearly wanted nothing to do with this man made Zoran realize he would certainly get some answers in the meeting.

The resistance bolstered his resolve, made the decision for him, "When can I meet him?"

Jacob pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen, "Approximately five minutes if you agree."

That terrified him. He wanted to meet Mamoru. He wanted to have some answers. Zoisite clearly did not want him to do it. It was such a large decision and he wasn't sure how to make it. His mind flashed to Khaled, normally so calm and collected and ready to support him, "Does Khaled know what happened?"

"Yes."

"Does he know what you are planning?"

"Yes."

"Did he agree?"

"Is he here?" the exasperation was barely concealed in Jacob's tone. "Even if he did, he wouldn't be here. He doesn't want to see him."

Those words only served to terrify him more. So, Khaled was as reluctant to meet this man as Zoisite was. He wondered what it would do to him to meet him. Jacob seemed to value this person, but he'd always inherently trusted Khaled's judgement. He wasn't sure how comfortable he felt going against that, even if it was Jacob who was leading him down that path. Plus, this other him knew who it was, knew what would happen. He knew that it would change something. Zoran felt pretty confident that it would change everything.

"You said remembering changed you… Was it bad?" Zoran asked.

He saw Jacob weigh his answer again, "No, not entirely. It was rough. It was painful. But, I think the changes were for the best. I have something important to me. Someone important to me now."

"Rei?"

"No. Well, yes, I have Rei and she _is_ important to me. But, there's someone else that's more important to me. And, you should understand that, he will always be more important than anyone else. More important than Ami," the seriousness reflected in Jacob's eyes.

"Mamoru?"

Jacob nodded and smiled.

Did Zoran want things to change?

Yes, he suddenly realized, he did. He was tired of feeling lost, pointless. He'd been happy getting to know Jacob and Khaled and Ami and all the others. But, there was something else there. Some empty piece that had been eating at him his entire life. Zoisite may be reluctant to face the future, but Zoran needed it.

Finally he nodded, "Okay. Just… meet him."


	9. Chapter 9

It was either the longest or the shortest five minutes of Zoran's life. His fear and anxiety regarding what he could find out, mixed with the resistance from Zoisite inside of him, were making the time fly. His excitement about a new phase of his life, new understanding, was making the time seem to crawl by. By the time a knock came on the door, Zoran was pretty sure he was going to vomit.

_Nooo,_ the voice repeated. There had been a litany of no's since Jacob sent to text to Mamoru to have him head over. Zoran debated on trying to talk directly to Zoisite during this time. However, every time he even thought about addressing that presence, he felt the presence put up the wall again. Zoisite was clearly even less interested in talking with Zoran than with Mamoru.

Jacob, who had graciously allowed silence to reign since sending the message, pushed himself up from his chair. Zoran was grateful the other man took the initiative; he wasn't sure he could convince himself to open the door. He wanted to think that Zoisite had taken control of his body again, not allowing him to move, though it was far more likely that his anxiety had gotten the better of him.

When Mamoru come into view from the hallway, he experienced that same punch to the gut that he had experienced every time he'd seen the man from a far. He found himself growing more nervous than excited. Zoisite began reinforcing the wall in his head, though some of the tension still radiated from that area and caused Zoran's anxiety to spike even higher.

"Hi," Mamoru stopped across from him and gave an easy smile. "I'm Mamoru."

"Zoran," Zoran muttered. "It's… uh… nice to finally meet you?"

The sentence had come out as more of a question than a statement. Zoran was suddenly really unsure whether or not he had made the right decision. He _wanted_ to think that he had. However, the need to escape was building and he wasn't sure how he could get out of the situation now that he'd set everything in motion. His eyes flashed towards the closet where he'd moved his backpack. It still had enough for him to survive. He didn't really need extra clothes.

"I'm glad we can finally talk," Mamoru responded, his good-natured smile staying in place. The calm in the man's voice eased some of the need to run.

Silence fell for a moment before Zoran finally found his voice again, "So… how does this work?"

"Well, there's not really a formula for this yet. We're adjusting as we go," he glanced up at Jacob. "We could start with a story?"

Jacob nodded, "That helped. Touching Rei… not so much. We're going to skip that part."

Zoran almost smiled at the lightness in Jacob's tone. He could tell the other man was trying to help put him at east. It was definitely helping to know Jacob had been through this himself and they were clearly trying to learn from their previous experience. If there was one thing that Zoran wasn't in a rush to do, it was touch Ami again. At least, not until he was sure what was going on with his body and that he wouldn't immediately begin losing his most recent meal.

"Okay," Zoran agreed and motioned for Mamoru to take the other chair in the room before returning to his perch on the couch.

Mamoru's story started like a fairy tale and got more unbelievable the longer he talked. How was he supposed to believe all of this? Kingdoms throughout the solar system and magic powers. Princes and Princesses. Zoran couldn't imagine what this had to do with him, with his lost memories. Such a story couldn't possibly hold any relevance to what had happened to him. Were they playing a joke on him?

He wanted to believe that they were. He could almost convince himself that they were going to start laughing any moment. Except, Zoisite was growing increasingly restless. The pain had turned to irritation and irritation to anger. The more Mamoru spoke, the more those walls that contained Zoisite's emotions crumbled. The more overwhelming those feelings became.

If this mean nothing, Zoisite wouldn't be responding so viciously to the information.

"Is this relevant to me?" Zoran finally asked, growing more uncomfortable with the conversation as it continued.

Mamoru paused and looked at Jacob for a second. When Jacob nodded again, Mamoru continued, "Maybe the rest is better remembered."

Mamoru reached out a hand.

_No, no, no, _Zoisite repeated and the walls started coming down as the other presence started fighting for purchase inside his head. The tingling began. This is where something really began, where everything would surely change. This is what Zoisite had been fearing and Zoran had been hoping for.

The struggle in his mind alarmed him and his eyes shot towards Jacob for reassurance. The man nodded again and gave a reassuring smile. Zoran took a breath. He could trust Jacob. He was confused about a lot of things right now, but if Jacob thought this was okay then it had to be okay. Khaled was worried about protecting him from whatever this truth was, which is why he didn't approve of this. Jacob believed that he could handle whatever was to come. That helped Zoran find his courage again.

_Please don't touch him_, the voice begged one last time. It sounded so desperate, almost broken.

Stealing his resolve, Zoran reached forward towards Mamoru. When Mamoru gripped his forearm, he did the same. Their gazes met and Mamoru smiled, "It's time to come home."

The memories flooded with very little warning. He saw it all so clearly in his head, every piece of that unbelievable story Mamoru had told him. He saw more. The castle, the gardens. Zoisite arguing with Jadeite and Nephrite. The Prince teasing as much as his guards. Kunzite throwing a sword towards Zoisite, demanding that he try again. The first time Zoisite laid eyes on the princess from Mercury. The witch whispering in his ear, convincing him of the deceit of the Moon Kingdom. The anger in Mercury's eyes when Zoisite attacked. The light leaving her eyes as she died.

Everything was so vivid. The screams in his ears. The smell of smoke and burning flesh. The bright flames. The taste of his own blood. The pain in his chest from where Mercury had managed to land one last blow.

He vaguely realized his knees had hit the plush carpet and his forehead followed soon after. He could hear the two other men moving around him. Hands touched his shoulders, gentle and soothing. They were worried. He could tell from their tones of voice. But, he didn't respond. He couldn't. There was too much going on, too much to remember. Too much to mourn.

"Zoran, look at us. Talk to us," Jacob's voice was low, soothing. "I know it's hard to see. But, look past the initial guilt, the immediate pain. There's more to remember there, too."

"STOP!" the words burst through and Zoran felt himself mentally thrown back for a second time. The walls began to build again, but it wasn't keeping Zoran out this time. It was keeping Zoran in. It was keeping him safe. Zoisite wrestled all control away, "Stop."

Mamoru studied him for a minute, "Zoisite?"

Zoran sensed no surprise from Zoisite that Mamoru had known it was him so quickly. Mamoru seemed to be able to sense things from them. _Of course_, Zoran thought, _he's my prince._ They were all connected. It was why he'd always been able to sense their presence and they had been able to sense his. The were tied together by fate… destiny… whatever you wanted to call it.

"Just stop," Zoisite repeated. "He's just a child."

_I'm not a child_, Zoran murmured half-heartedly, but Zoisite ignored his protests. Zoran didn't fight for control. He didn't want it. He wanted to stay back behind these walls, where the pain seemed easier to bear and the memories felt like they belonged to someone else.

"You weren't much older when you entered my guard," Mamoru responded.

"That's different. I was trained for that. I spent my entire life training to join the Prince's army," Zoisite snapped. "Even then, I wasn't strong enough for the job. I failed. He hasn't prepared for any of this. Get out."

"Where is Zoran?" Jacob asked, leaning close as though he hoped to catch something of his friend in Zoisite's gaze.

"He's safe. He's here," Zoisite paused, turning his attention inward towards Zoran. Zoran pushed the wall higher, trying to keep Zoisite from reaching towards him, from pushing him back to have to deal with _any_ of this. "He's… not ready. You should go."

"Zoisite…" Mamoru began but Zoisite's sharp look halted him. "We'll check on him later. Zoran, we're all here for you."

Jacob hesitated, "Zoran, it hurts but you'll understand. As long as Zoisite can help guide you."

The two men rose, sending one last look at their friend. Zoisite glared again, making his wishes clear.

"You need time," Zoisite murmured once the men had left. "I am here. Don't take the guilt on yourself. They were my mistakes. You never should have been made to endure them."

Zoran shuddered behind his wall, allowing pieces to crumble away, "How could you have done it?"

Zoisite took a deep breath and Zoran could feel it move through his lungs, even though he had no control over his body. He wondered if this was Zoisite had always felt, connected but out of control. Zoran wasn't sure he minded it so much, at least not now.

"You heard her," Zoisite responded, closing his eyes and letting the memories play out before them both. "She was so convincing. Melite had always been so… aloof."

"That's no excuse," Zoran mumbled, allowing the memory to shift and become something new, something earlier. Melite, Zoisite's Mercury, blushed as Zoisite leaned over her book, pressing his face close to hers.

"No," Zoisite whispered, watching the memory play out. "No, there are no excuses."


	10. Chapter 10

Zoisite opened his eyes to look at the ceiling as a knock sounded at the door. He'd laid out across the couch, much as Zoran had done numerous times since returning. They had spent a lot of time here since Zoran regained his memories. Zoisite hadn't left the apartment or returned to Zoran's work. Zoran hadn't tried regained control.

Zoran hadn't wanted to regain control. He didn't know where he belonged in this new life. If Zoisite could have control, shouldn't he just take it? Zoisite understood everything better than he did. He had trained for this kind of job. Zoisite had been correct. Zoran was basically a child in this matter. Hell, he'd missed 5 years of his life. He barely felt like an adult half the time, anyway. He thought he'd matured quickly while taking care of himself back home, but that was nothing compared to what he faced now.

The knock had somewhat shocked them both. It probably shouldn't have. They both should have realized that someone would eventually check on them. Zoran knew that if they didn't at least care about him, they would care about Zoisite. However, no one had bothered them thus far.

They'd been left alone for five days to wallow in the memories. Zoisite had talked over so many other memories with Zoran. He understood more about Zoisite's life and relationships with his friends in that period. Zoisite being the youngest in the guard, Kunzite had made it a mission to ensure he was prepared, pushing him to improve in different ways. Jadeite and Zoisite, being so close together in age, had a relationship based on friendly competition. Nephrite had taunted and teased, as he had with everyone. The Prince had been more than just a ruler. He'd been their friend. They'd talked and laughed as a group. And, Zoisite had worked so hard to get where he had, and it had all come crumbling down around him with some well-placed words and "warnings."

Zoisite hadn't planned to answer the door. Making sense of the memories, the shame, and the guilt was all either one of them wanted to continue doing but when Zoisite picked up the sound of a key in the lock, he sat up. Zoran knew only one person should have access to the apartment. Two if you counted the actual owner of the place. The doctor wouldn't be coming to visit, though. Ami would.

Zoran began building up the walls, trying to block out any pain seeing her may cause him. He felt Zoisite tense up, his body growing rigid where he sat, his hands gripping the edge of the couch. The pain blossomed the second her face came into view. Most of it belonged to Zoisite. The regret and heartbreak tearing at Zoran's consciousness, as well.

"Zoisite or Zoran?" she asked without greeting, her eyes roaming over his face.

"Zoisite," he answered. His voice had come out low and pained. Zoran felt Zoisite try to pull away, relinquish control, but Zoran pushed back, not allowing the wall to break. He didn't want to face this either, face her while knowing that some piece of him had led to her death.

"Is he okay?" she asked. The concern was clear in her expression and tone.

"He's processing," Zoisite answered and then finally relaxed his body before pushing to his feet. "You go by Ami now, right?"

Ami nodded, "Yes."

"What are you doing here, Ami?"

"I wanted to talk," she answered, not being dissuaded by his brevity.

Zoran felt Zoisite poke around a little, testing the walls that had been built. Zoran pushed them higher. Zoisite shook his head, "He's not ready to talk."

"What about you?" her head tilted in a way so familiar to Zoisite that Zoran felt the internal flinch, the figurative punch to the stomach, easily himself.

"Why would you want to talk to me?" Zoisite answered after a moment of silence had passed. "What could you possibly want to hear that I could say? Do you want apologies? Me to beg for forgiveness?"

"None of that," she responded, low and soothing. "You don't have to apologize, Zoisite. We know what happened."

"That doesn't mean you should forgive it," Zoisite closed his eyes, head shaking. "She was able to convince me so easily that I was tricked. All because Melite had been more reserved, more dedicated to her mission."

"Mercurians were known for their intelligence and logic, not for their ability to convey emotions," Ami responded. "She showed you the best that she could."

"I know that now. It's so obvious in retrospect. But, at the time, it made everything Beryl said seem so true," Zoisite opened his eyes again. "It's not an excuse. I still failed in my purpose and I failed her."

Ami glanced down, finding a spot on the floor to fix her attention, "I'm not looking for excuses either. I've had a while to think about everything that happened. Maybe it was your fault for falling into her trap. Maybe I hold some responsibility for not being able to show you how I felt. Maybe we both hold some blame for tempting fate by entering into a relationship that never should have existed."

"You can't…" Zoisite began, but she cut him off.

"Throwing around blame changes nothing," she gave a small smile. "I identified dozens of times when a small change might have kept everything from going so wrong. But, we can't change any of that. All we have is now."

Zoisite was silent for several long moments and Zoran watched the exchange quietly from his place of safety. Even with the walls built, he could feel the emotions from them both. It was almost painful to witness. For a moment, he wished he could shut it off, disappear completely and let the two of them work out whatever it was that was happening between them. He pushed the impulse away. He didn't want to completely give up, did he?

Finally, Zoisite moved slowly closer to Ami until he was right in front her. He reached out a hand and Zoran grew alarmed, _What are you…_

Zoisite's fingertips brushed her cheek gently and she didn't flinch or move away, just continued to watch him. He traced the lines of her face for a moment and then met her eyes, "How much of her are you?"

"She's there. Just a part of me. We're different, but she'll always be a piece of who I am," she answered.

His left hand joined his right in touching her. He gently placed it on her shoulder and the traced it down until it rested against her waist. Ami simply continued to watch him, as though the wondering hands didn't surprise her at all. Zoran grew wary. He didn't like how familiarly Zoisite touched her or how she allowed it to happen.

Zoran was surprised when he felt the heat in his left hand and it seemed to press tighter against her side.

Ami, once again, showed no surprise, "There's nothing there to heal, Zoisite."

A memory flashed in front of Zoran. A well-placed swing of the sword that left an injury deep enough to be fatal, at least when combined with the other injuries Mercury had sustained. He remembered Ami's words from the week before, the comment about _him_ always being good at healing. So, this was the power that had been residing inside of him all this time?

"I'm sorry," Zoisite breathed, the heat dissipating and the touch becoming gentle. His forehead fell forward against hers, "I know you didn't want to hear apologies, but I am sorry. I was sorry then, but I couldn't get control of myself to do anything about it."

"I know," she whispered, her hand moved to his hair. The feel was familiar, and Zoran flinched back.

Zoran grew restless as the silence grew longer. They stared at each, lost in a moment that only included the two of them. He didn't like it. All of his insecurities, his jealousies, rose to the top.

_Don't kiss her_.

_I wouldn't do that to any of us, _Zoisite thought, his voice serious. He took a deep breath and straightened, taking a step back from Ami. They regarded each other again, but the atmosphere had changed. Zoran could feel the shift from past to present, something changing in the way the regarded one another.

"How are you different?" Zoisite finally asked.

"I'm human," she smiled.

"Do you know he's different?" Zoisite asked and Zoran grew confused. Who was different? The Prince?

Ami's smile broadened, "He's just as self-confident, but maybe a little less cocky."

Zoisite laughed, "And that's good?"

She nodded, laughing softly, "We're both different now. She loved you, but I'm not just her. According to Rei and Jacob, that takes some getting used to. But, I believe it. It's not the same as then. And it's not the same with him."

"Good," Zoisite smiled.

"Can Zoran hear me?" she asked.

"He's aware of what's going on. It just… feels different for him. It's easier for now," Zoisite answered and Zoran felt him poke at the wall again.

She stepped close again, this time taking his face in her hands and leaning close, looking into his eyes. Except, she wasn't talking to Zoisite this time. She was looking past the surface, "Zoran."

The sound of his name made him jolt, almost made him return to the surface. For a moment, he wanted to return more than anything. But, he was still afraid. Afraid what facing her might mean. Afraid what she may have to say to him. Afraid of what choice she might make between him and Zoisite. Afraid that he wouldn't be able to retreat again if he needed.

"Zoran," she repeated his name when it became clear that he wasn't going to respond. "When you are ready, I am here. I've missed you."

She'd missed him? Not just Zoisite, no. She was talking directly to him this time. He didn't understand, after feeling everything that he'd felt between the two of them, why she would miss him. He didn't mean anything in all of this. He was the carrier, the conduit that had contained Zoisite. He meant nothing.

She released his face and he immediately missed her touch. But, she smiled as she backed away, "I'll see you, Zoran. Zoisite, I'm glad we got to talk one last time."

_Last time?_ Zoran questioned, but Zoisite didn't answer.

He smiled at Ami, "I'm glad I could see who she became."

* * *

_You really loved her, didn't you?_ Zoran asked as Zoisite seemed to dwell on yet another memory of Mercury. Zoisite laid with his head in her lap, her hands gently brushing through his hair. She'd been talking for a while, rhapsodizing on atmospheric differences between Earth and other planets and what that meant about life that had developed throughout the solar system. Zoisite hadn't really been listening since she'd moved from talking about her home planet to Venus. Instead studying the curves of her face, the feel of her hands, categorically committing everything to memory. He caught her hand, kissing the inside of wrist, feeling a smile stretch as her cheeks dusted pink.

The memories been constant since Ami had left a few hours ago. Though, there had been many similar memories since he'd regained his memories. He'd seen memories of them talking. Memories of them laughing. Memories of them kissing, touching. Zoisite had seemed to try and shut some off, put them away. It was the only memories that he tried to hoard so selfishly.

He'd avoided talking about her the best he could. Zoran's curiosity had grown day by day. He had all of Zoisite's memories and he'd seen Zoisite with Ami earlier that day, but he couldn't fully understand what the man was feeling while watching these memories. With all the trust that had grown between them, the other man still shielded this. Zoran wasn't sure if he was shielding the actual content or the affect it would have on him.

Zoisite finally sighed, "She was everything. She was smart, beautiful, powerful, sweet. How could I not have completely lost myself to her? She didn't not love me because she was quiet, or shy, or because she was always concerned with the princess. I was too lost to understand any of that. And, because of that, I lost everything that was important to me."

Zoran thought about Jacob's words, his warning. Endymion would always be more important. He always had to be more important. Seeing what happened with Zoisite, how Beryl had been able to turn him against his love, his home, and his Prince because of such a tiny spark of doubt showed Zoran how important that was.

_There will always be someone else more important,_ Zoran repeated.

"It will always be Mamoru," Zoisite told him. "It has to be. That was always our mission, our primary purpose. I failed, but you don't have to."

_Me? _Zoran felt the panic rising. He wasn't ready for this kind of responsibility. _I can't do that. You're better prepared for that. You could just stay._

"I can't," Zoisite sighed. "I made a deal with Beryl. She will always control my soul. You, however, are pure. She can't control you again if I'm not here. I didn't realize how susceptible it made you before, but I know now. It's not my purpose anymore, it's yours. And, you are ready. I can sense it in you."

_You're leaving, aren't you? That's why Ami didn't plan on talking to you again,_ Zoran responded, the insight sudden.

"When you're ready," Zoisite told him. "Ami didn't need to talk to me again anyways. We found our peace the best we ever could."

_She's human now. You could love each other like you'd wanted_, Zoran felt a stab of pain at the thought. He knew his insecurities were showing, his fears regarding the woman he'd come to admire so much.

"_I_ could never love her like she deserves. Because, I loved Melite and she's not her. And, she could never love me like… Well, like someone more deserving," Zoran could hear the smile in Zoisite's voice, knew he was still missing something. But, he felt the truth in Zoisite's words. Despite the emotions he'd felt between the two, Zoisite had loved who Melite had been. He didn't know Ami, had only gotten to know her through Zoran. Just like Zoran only knew Melite through Zoisite.

_You won't go until I'm ready?_ he asked.

"Not a moment before I'm sure. I have one last request though. I'd like to see Kunzite… Khaled."


	11. Chapter 11

Zoran still wasn't sure what Zoisite wanted with Khaled or Kunzite or whoever it was that they would meet when they walked through the doors. He'd tried to find out. He'd always assumed that Zoisite had had unlimited access to Zoran's thoughts and used the walls to keep his own in. That didn't appear to be true. He could read his emotions, but not his thoughts. Zoisite had to address the thoughts to him for Zoran to pick them up. Emotions, however, couldn't be controlled like thoughts could.

And so many emotions had rolled through Zoisite for that last week. Anxiety, excitement, mild annoyance. Zoran was never sure what the man was thinking about when these emotions surfaced and Zoisite refused to talk with him about it. However, this morning all Zoran could detect from Zoisite was a disconcerting calmness.

It made Zoran nervous. Khaled had done so much for Zoran and he wasn't sure how Zoisite would react to him. He wasn't sure how Khaled would react to Zoisite. Khaled had seemed to denounce everything regarding their past lives. Khaled wanted nothing to do with Mamoru. Zoran wondered if he'd want anything to do with him now that Zoisite had returned.

_Relax,_ Zoisite directed towards him.

Zoran tried to take his advice, but the second the door came into view, the urge to run hit. He would have done it, too. He reached out for control but Zoisite pushed back and the fight left him as the voices drifted from the cracked door ahead.

He heard Khaled's first, tense and restrained, "Have you heard from him?"

"No," Jacob's answer was calmer in comparison.

"Is Zoisite still in control?"

"I don't know."

"Why have you check on him?"

"Why haven't you?"

Zoisite didn't wait for them to sense him. They were so wrapped up in their argument, Zoran wasn't sure if they would. Zoisite pushed open the door and stepped inside, "He's fine."

"Zoran," Jacob looked received to see him.

"Zoisite," Khaled corrected, eyeing him closely.

Zoran felt Zoisite smile, "Correct. I'd like to talk to you. Jacob, can we have some time?"

"Of course," Jacob nodded. "Is Zoran…"

"He's fine," Zoisite repeated. "He's almost ready."

Zoran wasn't completely sure that was true. Zoisite seemed convinced he was. It had been another two days since Ami had visited and Zoisite had told him that he'd be leaving at some point. Zoran still dreaded that time. His talk with Zoisite had relaxed him a little but witnessing the interaction between Zoisite and Ami still had him reeling.

"Okay," Jacob nodded again. He reached out and clapped Khaled on the shoulder before heading towards the door. He hesitated for only a second beside Zoisite before patting his shoulder as well and leaving.

"He's worried," Khaled announced once Jacob had shut the door. His body was tight, his hands clenched at his side.

"It seems you are, as well," Zoisite responded, but made no further comment.

Khaled stayed silent for several minutes. Zoisite seemed to be in no hurry to say anything either. He just eyed Khaled quietly. Zoran began to wonder why they had even come. He'd assumed that Zoisite had something he wished to discuss, but the man seemed completely at ease with the way the conversation's current progression, or lack thereof.

Finally, Khaled spoke, "He's not here. He left. You're wasting your time if you wanted to talk to him."

"It would have been nice to talk to him," Zoisite shrugged, as though it didn't concern him too much that he'd missed his chance to talk to Kunzite. "We were able to discuss enough while stuck in those stones while you were unconscious."

Khaled tilted his head and Zoran sensed his confusion. He understood as well. There were vague memories Zoisite and the others talking to Mamoru, but he couldn't make a lot of sense of them.

Zoisite smiled, "We were able to come to terms with a lot during that time. For ourselves. Though, this still hasn't been an… easy transition. You still have to do that."

Khaled gave a short laugh, "Came to terms. He couldn't get away from the consequences fast enough. He didn't want to deal with any of this."

"Kunzite always had a plan," Zoisite shrugged.

"He was full of shit," Khaled's eyes narrowed.

"He must have thought you were ready, then," Zoisite eyed Khaled closely and Zoran could feel his doubt. "He doesn't normally make mistakes in his plans like that."

"It wouldn't be the first time he miscalculated," Khaled responded. "I think you overestimate him. He just didn't want to deal with the repercussions."

"Now, that doesn't sound like Kunzite," Zoisite's voice was light and Zoran felt no defensiveness. Zoisite believed what he said. It seemed as though Khaled did as well. "Outside of the Prince and Aglaea, I was closest to Kunzite. I understood him well."

Zoran noticed the minute break in Khaled's stolid expression at the name. He pieced it together. He'd been so focused on the memories that involved him directly that he hadn't immediately recognized Venus's given name. He hadn't realized that he woman who had Khaled so off kilter was her reincarnation.

Zoisite realized it as well, a sense of triumph floating through him. He felt Zoisite smile, "I've been watching you as well."

Khaled had managed to school his features again and merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"You're more like him than you'd probably care to admit. And you care about them all. Zoran, Jacob, Nathanial. You won't allow yourself reprieve until they're happy, until you feel all those sins are paid for. Sins that weren't even yours to begin with," Zoisite tilted his head. "Kunzite wouldn't have either."

"There's more than that," Khaled responded, his arms crossing over his chest. The motion should have been defensive, but it seemed to leave Khaled in his element. His authority radiated.

"Ah, Jacob is correct, isn't he? You want to command, but you don't want to deal with the responsibility," Zoisite leaned forward. "Who is running now?"

_Zoisite_, Zoran hissed. He didn't like the way Zoisite questioned Khaled, pressured him. Khaled had supported him. He'd been a friend before Zoran understood why he'd needed one. Even since his return, Khaled had wanted nothing more than to protect Zoran from pain of the truth.

Zoisite ignored him.

"You don't have to be a martyr."

"There's more than that," Khaled repeated.

Zoisite bowed his head slightly, "As you say."

Silence reigned again, the two men sizing each other up. Zoran couldn't tell what was passing between them, but he knew it was something. Khaled's mask was firmly in place and Zoisite guarded his thoughts carefully.

Khaled ultimately broke the silence, "He cared for you all, too."

"I know."

"He'd be proud of how you've handled this."

"I think so."

Khaled hesitated, "I appreciate everything you have done for him."

"You didn't make the mess. You're just left to clean up the pieces," Zoisite smiled. "He didn't deserve having all of this thrust on him. But, he does deserve to have a choice in his future. Jacob was in the right. He should be able to go into this with eyes wide open."

"What if he would have preferred never to have known?" Khaled asked and Zoran saw a hint of defeat, of devastation.

"Who would make that decision? Me? You?" Zoisite gave a laugh. "We both tried. Jacob and Mamoru gave him an alternative. An alternative that he chose."

Khaled's jaw tightened.

Zoran could feel Zoisite's interest, his scrutiny, in the other man, "Would you have really preferred to have stayed blind? To live with that hole you couldn't quite place?"

Zoran recognized the indecision as it flashed through the older man's eyes, "I haven't decided."

Zoran felt a jolt of pity rush through Zoisite. Whatever Kunzite had planned, it has backfired. Khaled hadn't been ready, and Zoran could tell both he and Zoisite were wondering if he could be at this rate.

Zoran did suddenly realize what his own answer to Zoisite's question was.

_No_.

He'd spent so long restless and running. He'd understood that whatever was missing wasn't all pretty. Zoisite had made mistakes. The past was messy and full of death. Full of betrayal. But he knew, all along he knew, that he was supposed to be apart of something. He was beginning to realize that it was okay for him to be apart of it.

He could feel Zoisite relax, as though he had felt the acceptance roll through Zoran.

"No one is here to force you to do anything, Khaled. Your destiny is yours to control," Zoisite's voice was soft, comforting.

"Choice," the word left Khaled in huff of laughter. Khaled straightened, visibly pulled himself back together, "Tell Zoran I will always be here for him. Regardless of his choices."

Zoran felt himself release the last bit of tension that he had been holding. He knew what he would choose already, and he was glad that he wouldn't lose Khaled in the decision. The thought of facing the future without any of his brothers caused panic. Even Nathanial, who he had only met in group a few times and he was now able to recognize as having been Nephrite, seemed critical in life.

"He's relieved," Zoisite smiled. "Remember, there's no need to make yourself a martyr."

Khaled gave a tight nod and Zoisite turned, waving over his shoulder.

He'd always been aware of the dreams while Zoisite had been sleeping the last few weeks. They'd been flashes of memories, both good and terrifying. However, this was different. He could feel this wasn't a memory. It wasn't even really a dream.

It was just dark.

Dark except for him and… him.

Zoisite.

It was time.

"Now?" Zoran finally managed.

"You're going to tell me you aren't ready?" Zoisite smiled.

"No," Zoran felt sure for the first time in weeks. Months. Since he woke up. Possibly since he was _born_. He'd always known there was _something_ and he was finally ready to face it.

"Good. You're stronger than you thought. Stronger than I gave you credit for," Zoisite nodded sharply. "You'll do well by them. It'll take some time for you four to get back together, but I have every confidence that you can do it. You'll find Nathanial. Or he'll find you. And Khaled will… figure out what he is looking for."

"We'll keep Endymion safe," Zoran promised.

"I know you will," Zoisite sounded to confident that Zoran was almost jealous. "You know everything that you need to know. You know what can separate you from him. You know what brought us back. You know your soul is pure."

"Why hadn't you been able to purify your souls before?" Zoran asked. He'd been understanding more about his powers. Zoran had the ability to heal physical wounds and magical ones.

"Two answers," Zoisite sighed. "I was too lost to do it. There wasn't enough light left in my soul to purify. Also… And, remember this well Zoran, healing and purification cost. The power to heal doesn't come from nowhere. It takes the energy and life force from you, whatever it costs to heal. I never would have survived purifying just one of our souls, let alone them all."

"You would have made the sacrifice if you could have, wouldn't you?" Zoran asked.

"You would, as well," Zoisite nodded.

"For her, too. On that battlefield, you would have given what was left of you to save her."

"I would have given anything to save her. That was the problem," Zoisite responded. "If it was just me, it would have been fine. But, I had a world, a kingdom, a Prince to protect. I couldn't give all of that to her. She knew it. You know it."

"She'll miss you," Zoran whispered, the fear creeping back in. "He may prefer you."

"Not as much as she'll miss you if you don't return," he responded. "They may miss me, but they won't prefer me. Mamoru understands what's at stake with my continued existence. He doesn't seem to hold anything against Jacob for not being Jadeite."

"You're sure I'm ready?"

Zoisite smiled, "I promised I wouldn't leave until you were."

"What do I do?"

"Exactly as you promised. Protect him and his princess. And, just live, Zoran."

Zoran awoke alone. Endlessly, uncomfortably alone. He'd never really realized how vast his own mind was. Maybe because he had never been truly alone with his thoughts. But, they were all his now. Every thought. Every emotion. Every memory.

He stared at the ceiling. He blinked. He moved his arms.

It was just him. In control. Alone. Alive.


	12. Chapter 12

Zoran had debated since he'd awoken alone the day before how to proceed. He needed to find Mamoru. He knew that would be important. He also knew that he could probably find him if he tried. He had an uncanny ability to sense where his friends were without even trying. However, he hadn't _really_ talked to Mamoru yet. Their conversation before he'd regained all of Zoisite's memories had been brief. Even with all Zoisite's reassurances, Zoran was worried about really interacting with Mamoru, about deciding to pick up where Zoisite left off. About failing again.

But, here, he was comfortable. He'd enjoyed his job. He'd been good at it. Makoto brought him an easy sense of peace and acceptance. His friends, everyone in the group included in that rank, showed up here regularly. He'd rarely felt lonely, which was all he'd felt since Zoisite had left. He could face anything in the safety of this café.

He immediately spied Ami when he entered. She was the sole person in the café at this time of day. The light tinkling of the bells over the door didn't disturb her. Zoran wasn't surprised. She had the look on her face again. The rest of the world didn't exist, didn't matter. All that mattered was the information she was currently absorbing from her book. There was that small furrow between her brows that Zoran had spent more time than he was willing to admit studying. Her lips were pressed together, but not so tightly that any lines formed. Her glasses were sliding down her nose again, which they seemed to do when she became particularly invested in her studies.

"I'll be with you in just a moment," Makoto's voice came from the back, cheery and welcoming as always.

He could approach her. He could say something to get her attention. Instead, he leaned back next to the door and took the moment to watch her, as he had so many times since he'd begun working in the café. He had free access to all the memories now that Zoisite had left. He'd spent so much time in the last day going through them, learning about the woman that Zoisite had loved and comparing her to the woman that Zoran was so fascinated by. Ami was so like the Mercury in those memories. But, there was an approachability that hadn't been there before. A willingness to laugh and smile. An ability to relax and have fun.

He felt himself relaxing without having to try. So, he had made the right choice.

"Welcome to…"

Zoran knew his time was up when the doors to the kitchen swung open and Makoto appeared. She stopped, watched him for a second, and then vaulted- literally vaulted, with one hand touching the top and her feet clearing it completely- the counter, "Zoran!"

He laughed as she threw her arms around his neck, "How did you make that look so easy?"

"The legs aren't just for show," Makoto winked as she held him at arms-length. She began to study him closely, "You're alright?"

"I'm alright. Zoisite even made sure to feed me," he smiled, patting her on the shoulder. He glanced towards Ami. She was looking up now, her glasses set down on her open book. His smiled softened, "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back, though he could tell she was studying him.

"Right," Makoto gave his cheek a pat before turning back towards the kitchen. "I'll just make you some lunch."

"Thanks, Mako-Mama," he called, and she turned to wrinkle her nose at him before disappearing back to the kitchen.

"She's glad you're back. She's been worried," Ami said as he turned his attention back to her.

"I've been getting that a lot," he replied, moving across the room and gesturing to the chair opposite of hers. "Can I sit?"

"Please," she actually sounded relieved that he had asked. She waited until he sat to continue talking, "I was worried, too."

"I heard you talking with Zoisite. I'm sorry to have worried you all so much. I just needed some time to adjust to everything. I knew things would change but…" Zoran shook his head. "I didn't realize how painful it would actually be."

"We understand. We watched Jacob go through it. We had to deal with memories returning, as well. It was different, but it was shocking," Ami reassured him. She leaned her arms on the table, leaning forward slightly as she spoke.

"I'm not sure I'll ever get some of the images out of my head. You…" he trailed off again, his eyes flitting down towards her side. Those images… There had been so much blood. So much anger and hurt and regret. Zoisite had felt betrayed, had lashed out at her. Had let the witch take away everything important. He wasn't sure what was worse. The scene or the emotions that went with it. The pure anguish as he'd felt before when Zoisite had tried desperately to heal a wound that no longer existed.

"You can't carry the guilt for the past. For his past," Ami leaned farther forward, forcing his gaze to return to hers.

Zoran breathed out, leaning back in his chair, "I know."

And, he did know. He'd come to terms with a lot since Jacob had invited Mamoru to his apartment. Since he'd made the decision to irrevocably change his life. He was going to move forward. The last thing Zoisite asked of him was to live. He wanted to do that. He wanted to live with Mamoru and Jacob and Makoto and the others. He wanted to live with Ami.

That realization was more freeing than anything else. Especially since he knew he was going to get the chance to do just that. They had accepted Jacob into their fold. They had accepted him before he even knew who he was. They would accept him now that Zoisite was gone, too. He'd been worried at first, but he knew the group wouldn't begrudge him their loss.

"He left," he finally said. "I'm sorry."

"I knew he would. He had to," Ami's smile turned sad. Those emotions that Zoran had seen through Zoisite's eyes when she'd visited flitted across her face.

Zoisite braced himself, "You loved him?"

Ami was quiet for several seconds, "I loved the memory of him. She loved him back in the Silver Millennium. She is me, a piece of me. A part of me fell in love with him, too. A part of me will carry that memory. But, there's more to me than just."

"He loved her more than anything," Zoran admitted.

"I know. Deep down, she knew too. I think it made it easier for me when I regained those memories," Ami's smile broadened. "It also makes it easier for me to separate what she felt from what I feel now."

Zoran smiled, "I was worried you may confuse us."

"I was, too," Ami admitted. "But, when I saw him in control of you… Well, I was worried I'd never see you again. I'm glad I get to."

Zoran reached out, touching her hand. He relaxed and smiled when she easily allowed him fingers to lace with her own, "I'm not saying I won't ever have doubts or struggle with some of these memories."

"You have a group full of people who care about you. You have me," she smiled. The door jingled and she glanced over his should, "And, you have him."

Zoran turned to see Mamoru standing in the doorway, hands in his pocket. He seemed unsure, something that Zoran wouldn't have previously thought possible for this man. But, the way he hesitated and allowed Zoran to make the first move showed his indecision. Mamoru didn't want to rush Zoran. Zoran was beginning to think that he needed rushing.

"Thanks, Mako-Mama," he muttered. He gave Ami's hand a squeeze and pushed to his feet. He approached Mamoru, stopping just short of him, "Hey."

"Hey," Mamoru responded, the relief clear in his voice. "I'm glad you're okay."

"You were worried?" he asked, tone light and the smile making the tease obvious.

Mamoru let out a short laugh, "I'm sure you're tired of hearing it. But, yes, I was worried."

"It's… good to know, actually," Zoran admitted. It made him seem necessary to his friends. They cared about what happened to him. He had been so caught up in the what-if they didn't care, he hadn't considered that they actually did. He held out his hand, "Thank you."

Mamoru grasped his forearm, much as he had that day in the apartment. That same electric feeling was there, without the nauseating effects of memories unburying. He recognized it now as a piece of that connection. It told him where he was supposed to be. It allowed him to locate his brothers. It allowed him to find his way home.

"Thank you for returning. I'm also honest in my selfish need for you four to return to me," Mamoru said lightly. Zoran could see the truth in the words. Mamoru had faced so much in the time they had been gone. He'd had Usagi and he'd had the Senshi. But, he hadn't had his friends; he hadn't had the men he considered brothers, as well.

"I'm ready to do everything I can to support you. And, to live," Zoran told him, realizing that, despite the fears he'd still felt this morning, he was confident in the words.

Before Mamoru could respond, the doors bust open and Jacob came in, throwing one arm around Zoran and pulling him close, "Look at you! I think you handled this even better than I did!"

"Because _you're_ a drama-king," came the saucy reply behind Jacob and Rei winked when Zoran made eye contact.

Zoran laughed as Jacob pouted.

"I couldn't stay down long when I had so many people _worried_ about me," he joked, pushing lightly at Jacob.

Jacob smiled and Mamoru rolled his eyes. He glanced back at Ami, who was watching them with her chin in her hands, a small smile playing around her mouth. He could do this. He could live with these people. He could accomplish Zoisite's goals. He could be happy while doing it.

* * *

_a.n. Sorry this took so long. I've gone back and forth with how I wanted to end this one. This is the hard ending but there is one more "epilogue" chapter like there had been with Remembrance. After that, I plan to start Nephrite's story!_


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